This post
was inspired by a wonderful mum I know; in the midst of holiday madness and a
new baby, plus two older kids, she managed to create the most beautiful and
inspiring art space to make her daughter feel special. These acts of kindnesswe do for our kids, especially at times when our own resources are stretched, can really resonate in their hearts and let them know how
precious they are to us.
 |
| Image by Isaac Del Toro from Unsplash |
- Lots of support and resources for parents
- Lots of connection with our kids so they can weather the changes well.
Finding the
support and resources you need can feel like an insurmountable task, especially
with a new baby. My experience of small babies was overwhelmingly emotional, and I think this is particularly what can make having a new baby so hard. We are told how exhausting it will be getting up through the night, and being on demand twenty four hours a day, but very few people talk at length about the emotional work of parenting. When our baby cries and we are flung into an extreme feeling of panic, or when our sense of sadness or overwhelm or isolation persists after the baby is born, we can end up experiencing challenges we never imagined.
The most reliable way to deal with the emotional challenges of parenting is to get some emotional support. Parenting by Connection has a particular strategy to offer here - Listening Partnerships. This is where two parents agree to meet or phone regularly, usually for a set time of around 1 hour. Each person takes an equal amount of 'Listening Time' and has a chance to talk honestly about anything and everything in their parenting journey. The listener holds the view that the speaker is intelligent and will figure out her problems; the listener agrees not to judge, give advice or interrupt at all.
Holding this space for another person can be challenging at first - conversation in our culture is usually a dance between both people - but if we can just listen, we give a huge gift and allow the speaker's intelligence free reign to reflect and consider all the challenges and delights of parenting. If Listening Partnerships are not for you right now, do try hard to find someone who can listen well to you, without interrupting or trying to fix your problems. This kind of listening is like gold! Once we've had a chance to be heard, our brains can think more clearly and we often find ourselves working out solutions to practical issues like - how do I get a break? How can I work on my baby's sleep issues? Or her separation anxiety? Or any other challenge that presents itself.
The most reliable way to deal with the emotional challenges of parenting is to get some emotional support. Parenting by Connection has a particular strategy to offer here - Listening Partnerships. This is where two parents agree to meet or phone regularly, usually for a set time of around 1 hour. Each person takes an equal amount of 'Listening Time' and has a chance to talk honestly about anything and everything in their parenting journey. The listener holds the view that the speaker is intelligent and will figure out her problems; the listener agrees not to judge, give advice or interrupt at all.
Holding this space for another person can be challenging at first - conversation in our culture is usually a dance between both people - but if we can just listen, we give a huge gift and allow the speaker's intelligence free reign to reflect and consider all the challenges and delights of parenting. If Listening Partnerships are not for you right now, do try hard to find someone who can listen well to you, without interrupting or trying to fix your problems. This kind of listening is like gold! Once we've had a chance to be heard, our brains can think more clearly and we often find ourselves working out solutions to practical issues like - how do I get a break? How can I work on my baby's sleep issues? Or her separation anxiety? Or any other challenge that presents itself.
Our
children also need lots of connection in order to thrive, and this is never more
true than when a new baby arrives on the scene. A very simple but profoundly nourishing tool to offer your children is Special Time. This is a wonderful way to really let your love for your older children land firmly in their hearts.
Let them know ahead of time something like: 'We are going to have some special time together. You can call it whatever you want. We can do whatever you want. I'll put the timer on, and until it beeps I will be focused completely on you! I can't wait!' Letting your child name this special time, letting her be in charge, and timing it are all important parts of the magic of Special Time. Parents spend a lot of nourishing, meaningful time with their kids, but what sets Special Time apart is these factors. It means that we are not interruptible (as we are almost all the time). We don't answer the phone, attend to other children, or drink a cup of tea. We use this time to focus completely on our sweet big boy or girl, and delight in them. It is such a gift!
Children who receive regular Special Time come to rely on it as a space for their big feelings and as a time to work on anything challenging them. My younger son often wants to play very physical games where he gets to be stronger and the winner because so many of his games with his bigger brother leave him feeling powerless. It has also been a time where my boys have asked me deep questions about death, love and other big life issues. If they can rely on it, it really helps to fill their cups and is the best antidote to sibling rivalry that I know of! Finding ways to let our older children know they are special and important to us, even in the midst of caring for a new baby, can be a matter of just a few key minutes a day thanks to Special Time.
Finally, a very big thank you for all the love and support you bring to your growing family. The work of parenting is vital, and is often under-resourced and under-appreciated. Parenting by Connection is a community of people who really do see and rejoice in the amazing efforts of parents just like you.
Let them know ahead of time something like: 'We are going to have some special time together. You can call it whatever you want. We can do whatever you want. I'll put the timer on, and until it beeps I will be focused completely on you! I can't wait!' Letting your child name this special time, letting her be in charge, and timing it are all important parts of the magic of Special Time. Parents spend a lot of nourishing, meaningful time with their kids, but what sets Special Time apart is these factors. It means that we are not interruptible (as we are almost all the time). We don't answer the phone, attend to other children, or drink a cup of tea. We use this time to focus completely on our sweet big boy or girl, and delight in them. It is such a gift!
Children who receive regular Special Time come to rely on it as a space for their big feelings and as a time to work on anything challenging them. My younger son often wants to play very physical games where he gets to be stronger and the winner because so many of his games with his bigger brother leave him feeling powerless. It has also been a time where my boys have asked me deep questions about death, love and other big life issues. If they can rely on it, it really helps to fill their cups and is the best antidote to sibling rivalry that I know of! Finding ways to let our older children know they are special and important to us, even in the midst of caring for a new baby, can be a matter of just a few key minutes a day thanks to Special Time.
Finally, a very big thank you for all the love and support you bring to your growing family. The work of parenting is vital, and is often under-resourced and under-appreciated. Parenting by Connection is a community of people who really do see and rejoice in the amazing efforts of parents just like you.
Comments
Post a Comment