Parenting by Connection with Belynda Smith

Parenting by Connection starts with the assumption and the understanding that you are good, and that your child is good.  We know that children's brains work best when they are in loving, responsive communication with a trusted adult, and that when things are not feeling safe for them they either show off track behaviours or release their tension by tantruming, raging, crying, sweating or laughing. Playlistening is a wonderful tool taught in the Parenting by Connection approach. Playlistening is a special way of focusing our listening and attention on our child. We take the less powerful approach in play and we follow the giggles - this lights our child up!  It also helps them process various tricky feelings and counters any feelings of isolation, overwhelm and powerlessness they may carry. Before my children transformed my views on this, I worried that playing would encourage off track behaviour. For example, the idea that having a blast together shouting out rude words mig...

Parents face so many challenges and difficulties, from financial stress, to relationship difficulties, to things like guilt, exhaustion, sleep deprivation and more general and insidious oppressions like racism. Parenting by Connection recognises the impact these things can have on your ability to connect well with your child; this approach holds the view that all of these hurts can be healed from with the right attention and with time. The one thing that can stop that healing though is what I think of as Parent Nemesis Number One. Isolation. Isolation means that we hold back from letting others into our hearts. It means we don't share how hard we find it when our child speaks to us disrespectfully, or how guilty we feel that we can't always give our kids our best selves, or how angry we get when our kids fight. We don't allow others to see our vulnerabilities and our faults. And that means we don't see theirs. So we think we are the only parent who has these issue...