Parenting by Connection with Belynda Smith

We make plans for our dental health. Plans for our money. Plans for our meals and shopping. Something Parenting by Connection puts in the spotlight is the idea that our relationship with our kids requires thought and planning too! We use a tool called a Connection Plan. A Connection Plan can be as involved or as detailed as you like. It is tailor made by you, the expert on your family. Some of the questions and ideas you could use when thinking about how to connect well with your kids include: What are the kinds of things your kids struggle with? It might be transitions (going from brushing teeth to putting PJs on to getting into bed), it might be playing well with siblings, it might be separation anxiety that comes out whenever you aren’t in the same room. Thinking about our day, where do our kids get stuck on their big feelings? Is it at the breakfast table? Is it getting out the door for school? Is it after we meet up again at the end of the day? What is our relatio...

First time parents face a special set of circumstances. The changes a new baby brings are nothing short of life changing. Some of these changes are beautiful and wonderful. Some can be incredibly challenging. Parenting by Connection has some useful ways to view these changes and the emotional work that parenting brings with it. Here are seven things to think about if you are a new parent: 1. Your birth story is an important moment in your life. Whether you are Mum or Dad, the birth of your baby is a hugely important moment and one that will require lots of processing. Finding someone who can listen well to you as you recount your experiences and feelings is very important. Science shows that it is not WHAT happens to us that dictates our experience of life, but HOW we make sense of what happens to us. The narrative we weave about our experience is incredibly important in helping us feel capable and resilient. So whether your birth experience was blissful or barbaric, talking it thr...

This post was inspired by a wonderful mum I know; in the midst of holiday madness and a new baby, plus two older kids, she managed to create the most beautiful and inspiring art space to make her daughter feel special. These acts of kindnesswe do for our kids, especially at times when our own resources are stretched, can really resonate in their hearts and let them know how precious they are to us. Image by Isaac Del Toro from Unsplash A new baby in the family means new dynamics, new routines and new challenges for everyone. For some older siblings a new baby can literally be like a bomb exploding in their lives; everything changes and they are left feeling at best disoriented and confused, at worst pushed out and unloved. Parenting by Connection provides you with a way to focus on what can really help at times of change like this. The two things that can help most are - Lots of support and resources for parents - Lots of connection with our kids so they can weather the chan...

Parents regularly spend nourishing, meaningful time connecting with their children. When you get your child up at the kitchen bench to make play doh, or you play a game of hide and seek, or you chatter away together in the car, this important connection is consolidating your child's feeling of being seen and heard, and literally builds her brain. The thing about these everyday experiences though, is that they are interruptible. At any moment you may need to answer the phone or attend to another child. Your sweet little one can really benefit from a short regular burst of your attention where she can feel confident that your attention will remain with her for a given time. Conversely, you can really benefit from a short period of time where you are free not to be thinking about the dishes, or work, or how to fit in a quick trip to the shops. Knowing that Special Time is timed actually gives this tool a great sense of freedom - you know that you only have to be enthusiastic a...