Parenting by Connection with Belynda Smith

Your child wants to feel good, connect well, play and learn. When things go off track for her, you can feel confident that this is NOT a choice she is making. To learn more about why it isn't a conscious choice, a little brain science may be helpful.  What we know about brain science is that there are three key parts to our brains. The brain stem governs life processes such as breathing and is in charge of the well-known fight or flight response. The limbic system, or middle brain, is our safety monitor and the seat of our long-term memories. This is the part of our brain that is engaged to determine connection, that tells children 'Yes! All ok here. Learn and play, share and have fun'. Finally, the prefrontal cortex is our higher brain, where our executive function happens. When the limbic system sends the message that all is well, this is the part of our child's brain that helps her reason, organise, play well, be considerate and think well. From Unspl...

Parenting by Connection should probably be called Life by Connection. It's an approach that has profoundly impacted my relationships across all spheres of life. So what is it all about? Parenting is hard work. You deserve support as you do this vital work. In our society, parenting is seen as something of a hobby. But parenting involves deeply emotional work that can very challenging. The Parenting by Connection approach involves supporting parents so they can in turn support and lead their families well. Parenting by Connection is an approach that values your wellbeing at least as much as your child's. This approach asserts that, like the life mask on an aeroplane, you need to care for yourself before you can provide the deep connection your child thrives on. The Starter Class which runs for six weeks gives you some vital refresher time. You can be with other parents and learn from their stories too. Parenting can be isolating; getting together and sharing a laugh or ev...

Parents face so many challenges and difficulties, from financial stress, to relationship difficulties, to things like guilt, exhaustion, sleep deprivation and more general and insidious oppressions like racism. Parenting by Connection recognises the impact these things can have on your ability to connect well with your child; this approach holds the view that all of these hurts can be healed from with the right attention and with time. The one thing that can stop that healing though is what I think of as Parent Nemesis Number One. Isolation. Isolation means that we hold back from letting others into our hearts. It means we don't share how hard we find it when our child speaks to us disrespectfully, or how guilty we feel that we can't always give our kids our best selves, or how angry we get when our kids fight. We don't allow others to see our vulnerabilities and our faults. And that means we don't see theirs. So we think we are the only parent who has these issue...

by Arwan Sutan from Unsplash I'll let you in on a profound insight that changed my life.  Your kids don't need tantrum training but you probably do! No doubt you have always been shown and told that tantrums are a bad thing. I think you'll come to value them once you see how they can restore your child's good thinking. In our culture tantrums are perceived as something to squash, something to ignore, something to divert from. The Parenting by Connection perspective provides a very different view. The human brain is built for connection. From the moment they are born children's brains are hard wired to seek out connection and safety. When they feel warm, loving attention from a caring adult, children thrive. But life isn't always easy on our small people, and even things that seem harmless to us grownups can really upset a baby or a child. A door slamming noisily, or mum going into the next room, can throw your child's sense of connection right o...

The Starter Class is designed for parents, caregivers, grandparents, professionals in childcare and children's education. This interactive class is the ideal way to learn the five key Parenting by Connection tools; you will be practicing what you learn in each class and sharing support and encouragement with other parents. Consistent with attachment research and supported by over 40 years of experience, this approach will help you feel better connected to your child and other parents, and will help you build and support your family in just the ways you want to. From Unsplash by Providence Doucet 10 Ways a Parenting by Connection  Starter Class can help your family How to handle aggressive and anxious behaviours.  How to improve cooperation and increase connection through play.  React calmly when your child shouts or hits out.  Manage sleep and eating issues.  Become a more playful parent.  Help your child release his fears and insecuri...